Open Letters

""Had an x-ray done today and they found you in my heart. The doctor said that if they took you out, I would die, because I couldn't live without such a good friend. Give this heart to everyone you don't want to lose in 2012 including me if you care. Try to collect twelve, it is not easy. Be honest and send this to anyone who made you smile this year.""

So, like jackettt I don't really like chain letters. In fact, I hate them-- And even though I love you guys, I really didn't want to jump on this train and go around spamming things up. I'm sure some of you know how incredibly introverted I am-- I don't like to bother people much. But I guess... Now is a good enough time to reflect as any.

[1]
Hey Set, how long have I known you for? I think it was back in 2004 or 2005, right? That's a pretty long time... I think you're probably the oldest friend I keep in contact with, and it's largely because of your patience and perseverance that I can still call you my friend. You've stuck with me through thick and thin, you've dealt with my unreasonable anger and depression, and you've gone from being someone I lectured to being someone I depend on. If there's any friend I can't do without, it's you-- Even if my pride says otherwise, even if I suddenly stop talking to you for long periods of time, even if you set me off over the littlest of things. I know it's been hard on you, and you of all people don't deserve to see such a childish, temperamental, and completely unreasonable side of me... Nor do you deserve to have to edit my shitty writing at four in the morning or any of the bazillion things you do for me. But it's because I trust you that I show you this side of me. You know, without the support of my mother and losing all my friends, you're the only constant in my life now. You're probably going to call me a faggot and laugh at my writing, telling me all the grammatical errors I'm making and how I'm a idiot, but I sincerely thank you for your unwavering devotion and ... Affection? Love? With you, I feel safest. I can speak my mind without being judged, and even when you reprimand me, you know exactly how I'm feeling. I can't write off your remarks as just empty words to humor a friend, because I know you're always so sincere when we're talking. I'm sorry I'm stupid and dumb, that I'm unable to converse with you intellectually, and that I don't really share much interests with you...... But despite everything, I love you man.

Also uh... Hey, sorry about all the times you're trying to solve my issues and I just bitchfit at you. I know you always have my best interest at heart, and although I don't respond well to criticism, you keep pushing my boundaries anyway. Thank you for forcing me to improve and reflect as a person, and for never giving up on me.


[2]
Hi Chrys-- I know we've had our differences and disagreeances. We've fought a lot, at least in comparison to all the other friends I've had. I think it's because of this that I find it so hard to let you go, even when your pessimism wears me out. I sincerely hope things get better for you, in real life and psychologically. You're an extremely talented writer, and if not for you I don't know how I would have gotten through all these years. Roleplaying with you is what gets me through the day-- week, month, whatever it is. I've never found such joy with anyone else, and your characters have so much depth and challenge that I've never once grown bored. Unlike others, you roll easily with whatever I throw at you, you never complain about anything I wanted to do with the storyline, and you always returned it with your best.

Roleplaying aside, you've always been with me through everything I've been dragged into. Where Set was strict with me, you were understanding and comforting. You often say that you're a bad friend, but I don't think that's the case. Admittedly, I have trouble understanding you at times, but your actions speak louder than your words, and I'm really glad that we were able to get through so many issues even if we had to stay up arguing till three or four in the morning to get our points across. To be honest, I often find it amusing that we argue and fight as much as our characters do, and in a manner I suppose it's interesting to see how what we create parallels what we are; especially how we think, feel, and react to certain accusations.

I know you're going through a rough time right now, and I feel really helpless not being able to do anything. I admit that I'm stubborn, and that I don't give you as much comfort or understanding as you need at times-- But I hope things will get better. I confessed once that I admire how strong you are, and everything I've said still holds true.


[3]
Well... Isn't this awkward?
Hm... I don't know where to begin.
I suppose I should start with saying that I'm sorry we'll never be as close as we were before. I wonder if I'm annoying you? If I'm scaring you off because I like talking to you so much?
After what had happened and when we 'patched' things up, I really wanted to talk to you more. But it felt like you weren't really interested, and so here I am just... I don't expect anything from you, I understand if you want to keep me at a distance, and it's fine. I'm okay, and it seems that you're doing well too.
Despite how awkward things are right now, and despite the fact that we may never talk normally again, I do want to include you in this list because you're one of the people who've given me the most. I still can't tell whether you were talking just to humor me, but our conversations have always been interesting and stimulating. Whenever I start talking to you, I never want to stop-- And it's odd how we don't really run out of things to talk about either. Maybe it's just on my side though, but I really enjoyed it. I don't exactly have a heartfelt message to say because I'm still wounded by pride and regret, but I'm really grateful that I got the chance to at least meet you. You're a sharp contrast compared to my other friends, with how optimistic and energetic you tend to be. Admittedly, it's both foreign and hard to get used to, but I suppose it's not a bad trait.
Ah... To be honest, I still don't know what to think of you. Are you my friend or my foe? Do you secretly harbor something against me? I wouldn't be surprised if you did after I just dropped out like that. Or more likely, you just don't think of me at all.
Whichever the case, I wish you the best, and thank you for giving me a different perspective on life and a great many other things.


[4]
Another of my very old friends. u vu
Hey Remi, how's it going?
We don't really talk often even through all the years we've known each other. You're still as much of a mystery to me in MAGE as you were back at ABR, but you were always someone I considered a friend. I'm not exactly sure why-- I guess maybe because you always showed me what's new and fun? You were the one who got me addicted to RO, and again you were the one who invited me into MAGE and showed me that DA groups didn't have to die out in a couple of weeks. You're extremely talented, both as a writer and an artist. I admire how clever you are, and I'm extremely grateful that you were willing to listen to my side of the story. Even though we've never gone into serious issues, you've always given me the feeling that you were an individual with your own thoughts and feelings on a subject. You weren't like the others who would take sides without learning the whole story, and you're always so level-headed and cool. Even though you've trolled and cockblocked me a billion times in MAGE, I'm really glad you gave me that opportunity.


[5]
Hey, asshole sleeping on my couch right now! Wake up, it's 6:30 AM and the sun is up.
Anyway, you'll probably read this later today or when you get home-- Or uh, maybe never. But that's cool too.
Just wanted to say thanks for all our date nights and general fucking around. It's always fun just hanging around with you, even though we don't do anything except sit around and draw. I know you're probably gonna deny this, but you're an extremely talented artist and I always wonder why you even bother drawing with me. For a long time in highschool, I sorely wanted another artist friend I could be close with. Glad I found it, even though our trio is now just a duo. :C


[6]
Speaking of which, HI HINO.
God, where do I even start with you............

Thank you for being an extremely good friend, an amazing mentor, and just a wonderful person all around. To be fair, your demeanor often scares me because you have such a disapproving look, LMAO. But you're amazing-- I don't even have the words to describe it. If not for you, I would hardly be where I am today. I would still be drawing stick figures, hating everything and never improving. Thank you for your patience in teaching me, for your willingness to teach me, and for never once saying anything bad about my super amazingly shitty art. I've said this to Bflat, but you are incredibly talented. I never dreamed that you'd bother giving me the time of day when I first saw you and your art online, but you were extremely friendly and hilarious when we met in person.
Hey... I don't know where to go with this, but... I'm really grateful for everything you do for me. You talk to me when I'm feeling down, you never complain when I do something selfish, you've taught me so much as a person and as an artist. When you told me about that girl who stopped talking to you when she got popular, I was so baffled-- Because to me, you're the greatest influence to my artistic development and I can't even fathom what might go through someone's mind to disregard someone who would give such a priceless gift.

You're so selfless and caring it hurts me. OSGHIOSGHPGH I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY, OKAY HINO? I LOVE YOU.


[7]
Ahh-- Hey modchans!
I don't know what Vios Terra would be without you guys, but it certainly wouldn't be nearly as awesome. Having modded several other groups before, I'm really glad we have the staff that we do. Not only are you guys responsible and punctual, but you're extremely easy to get along with, friendly, and unique.-- Yeah, I used the snowflake word, but I can't really think of any other way to describe it.
To be honest, sometimes I feel like an outcast with you guys-- But it's not a bad feeling, if that makes sense? It's just that you're all having fun, and I can stand back and see how interested and happy everyone is to be at VT-- and it fills me with both pride and a little bit of loneliness. I think it's mostly because I still don't know you guys too well. I mean, of course I think of you all as friends, but just not as close friends as you all seem to be?
It's alright though, I'm excited to be working with you guys and as Takkun/Jay always say-- I often get overwhelmed just thinking about how perfect of a staff we have, and that I'm included in it at all.
Thanks for bearing with this incapable admin. Orz


[8]
Yo, bro... Aiyah, what do I say in response? LMAO.
Eh.. I feel like we're pretty mutual in our understanding of each other. Felt like I've found out more about you in the past couple of weeks than I have in the years we've known each other. It feels pretty good though, to finally see a different side of you. Feels like we've finally broken some barriers, hm?
I can see you're dealing with a lot of shit, and I really admire you for pulling through. You're always energetic and fun no matter what troubles you're facing, and you never complain or bitch unreasonably. I love working with you, and I'll agree that our relationship is more like co-workers than extremely close friends. But to be honest, I don't think either of us would want it any other way. We can only work efficiently if our relationship is like this, yeah?
In any case, I'm really glad-- Every time I work with you, I have to strive and run to improve and keep catching up. You're pretty amazing, with all the work and art you put out. But admittedly, I know you'll be there if I fall, and it's the same for me. You're surrounded by really good friends though, and I'm thankful that you've allowed me into your circle.

BUT YEAH, I'M ALWAYS HERE. LET'S MASO THROUGH THIS TOGETHER.


[9] + A bunch of people I'm forgetting
Whoa, this is getting ridiculously long. Sorry if I'm forgetting others, but the two names that immediately come to mind next are you two, Chiyo and Lo-wah.
Sorry I don't have as much to say as the others, but I'm really grateful for the two of you. You, Chiyo, for listening to my frustrations when it felt like everyone else failed to understand me, and Lo-wah, for being such a good friend no matter what others might have to say. You're both so genuine and caring that it hurts, and I'm sorry I'm not as good of a friend as I should be in return.

[10]
Last but not least-- Just wanted to address you two personally.
Sorry if I don't often respond, but I'm really, really happy that you guys spare the time to write such thoughtful and heartwarming messages to me. Whether it's my serious journals or just a sketch i've posted, you guys are always there with steady encouragement and praise.

Eullie-- You're always so happy and cheerful, everything you write brightens up my day. I'm sorry to say that I haven't gotten to talk to you much even though we've exchanged emails, but do know that I'm extremely grateful.

Animae-- I'm still not sure what to call you, but thank you for being the voice of reason and maturity whenever I go on my tangents. You're incredibly intelligent and wise, and while I regret not being close friends with you, I also selfishly enjoy the fact that you can give me an opinion on a matter without being attached or emotionally involved with what I'm dealing with.

[11]
OKAY, SORRY ONE MORE!
Hey Winnie! We've never actually talked much, really. In fact, we've barely roleplayed... But you're always looking out for me, asking after me, and showing all around that you care. I'm not quite sure why, but I'm incredibly honoured and ... Ugh, I can't think of any other word than grateful. I first met you at AoH and I didn't think much of it then, other then the fact that you were a really good mod, haha. I'm glad you've taken over [?] and seeing the group still doing well. I met you again in MAGE, and this time I got to know you a little more. I really... I'm not sure what to say aside from thank you. You may not know it, but your messages of encouragement and even just checking up on me fills me with genuine happiness that somebody cares.


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AND IF I EVER SAY I DON'T HAVE FRIENDS AGAIN, I'M GONNA SLAP MYSELF WITH THIS JOURNAL IN REMINDER.